so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
