So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
