I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
