Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize