Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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