Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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