I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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