i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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