Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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