2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
