At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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