she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
