Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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