You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
