Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
