sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
