Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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