After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I pour the whiskey from now on
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
