ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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