Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
