How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
how drunk are you?
Several
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
