The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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