K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
