I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
