Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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