He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize