Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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