its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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