you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
