I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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