nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
