I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
