why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
