life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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