one word: firstdatebathroomanal
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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