i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
