Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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