I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
