Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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