I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
