help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
