my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
