but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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