I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
