Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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