I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
