Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
now i know why i became what i already was.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Come on in and take your pants off
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