Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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