I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
