she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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