I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
