I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize