Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
