i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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