i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
