There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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