I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
