Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
two words...techno handjob
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
