peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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