God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
