i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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