i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
