he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
