you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He did a backflip because drugs
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