In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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