Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
