Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Randomize
