i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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