apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drake has all the answers
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
