found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
